1 Down, 5 to go…

wonder woman at rest

my rock

I’ve never blogged under the influence of anti-anxiety, anti-nausea and sleep meds. Could be fun, or could be a disaster. Today was the day. My first chemo treatment. I was a nervous wreck. So was Rick. I think we slept from 10:30pm – 1:30am and then just tossed turned and prayed (someday I want to talk more about my faith on here) until the alarm went off at 5.

Got to the hospital at 7 and had my port catheter process completed so I could get my meds that way. Basically it meant putting a needle into that port I got the other day. That hurt (A Lot) because it’s still raw from Wednesday but it will get better.

We met with Dr Del Carmen again and it was reassuring. She spoke again about curing me and having me live a long time. So we flat out asked her if she really believed that. And she assured us she did and that she’d never lie to me. It felt good to hear. We said, “thank you, that’s what we told our daughter”. She finished by saying “Good, I’ve been doing this a long time and its important that we ALL believe it for this to work!”

On a side note, she remembered from previous conversations that I am a wine connoisseur and she assured me a glass of wine here and there is A-ok in this process. Phew! Though I haven’t really felt like it yet.

We talked about my protocol, which today consisted of the drugs carbo-platin and taxol. Down the line there may be some additions and changes but that depends on a few factors. I’ve been tested for the BRACA gene (which you may know as the hereditary breast cancer gene but it also applies to ovarian and prostate cancers too). I should get results next week. I tend to think I don’t have it since we don’t have a family history of breast cancer, but we have had some instances of Prostate. Anyway, IF I have it there is a chemo drug that works really well on ovarian cancer patients. So that could be a blessing. However, the curse is that having it also puts me at a high risk for breast cancer. So do I want it or do I not?

Another factor is that pesky kidney I lost 17 years ago. Since chemo is toxic it gets flushed out of your kidneys and I have just one that works double time. They have to make sure they don’t overburden it. So, all these factors will be decided on in the coming weeks before my next treatment.

As for the treatment, it really wasn’t bad at all. As I first sat down I looked across from me and there was this beautiful, tall blonde woman, probably about age 60, sitting there. She had a full head of hair and was dressed impeccably. She had a treatment that only lasted 30 minutes. Now, I don’t know what kind of cancer she had, but if I had to guess I’d say it could have been ovarian and that she could have just been getting her avastin for maintenance. I heard her and her husband tell the nurse they were going skiing for the weekend. It was amazing. I was infatuated by her. I want to be her! She saw me staring and I just looked at her and admitted “I’m sorry for staring. You just look so pretty”.

She left shortly after my infusion started and earlier she had seen me cry a bit when it was about to happen. When she left she came over and squeezed my foot and she teared up and said in a beautiful, yet undefinable European accent, “I know it’s scary but you can do this. You have beautiful support with you (I’m sure Rick was flattered) and you are strong and you’ll be ok.” Who was she? Was she an angel?

After that, is was truly a breeze. They gave me IV Benadryl which made me super woozy (not at all the same as a pill!). And weirdly, it made my legs restless. I was exhausted and barely mobile from the waste up but couldn’t stop moving my legs. A known side effect of the Benadryl they said, relieved by Ativan. So in my woozy anti-anxious state I decided to try a video of guided meditation for chemotherapy. And I went out. Like a light. I woke up wondering why there was a strange man softly speaking in my ear. I barely spoke to Rick for a while because I was so looped but just knowing he was there was perfect. Luckily, we have a good friend Christina (who works at MGH) who came by on her lunch break to give Rick a brief reprieve. Lord knows what I said to her but it felt like a lovely visit.

I thought about reading the news after that but my own state of emergency felt more pressing to me than Trumps right now. So, I listened to another guided meditation and slept some more and then it was over!

I feel fine now. I got steroids and anti nausea meds so that’s helping. From what people are telling me I may still feel like this tomorrow too. But then days 3-5 may be tough. Not vomiting tough but achy and exhausted tough. I can handle that. It just feels good to know today was a strong day in this fight and I’m just glad It’s over.