24 Hour Escape

My chemo side effects were pretty much exactly what the Dr said they’d be. Days 3-5 were the worst. I was mostly just tired and achey. Tired as in, a flight of stairs made me feel winded. But to be fair, I was still only 3 weeks out from major surgery so even if I hadn’t had chemo that may have happened anyway. The hardest part for me was feeling helpless. Don’t get me wrong, in the right context I love to be waited on but in this case it wasn’t as easy. I had Rick (and other very much appreciated visitors and helpers). Auntie Donna even stayed with us for a few days, which was a Godsend. This week was school vacation and let’s just say, a needy egocentric Kindergartener and a mom straight outta chemotherapy aren’t exactly a great match. Juliette was so lucky to have friends and family take her everywhere: bowling, aquarium, children’s museum, Disney on ice etc. Auntie Donna even played with her in the snow for 4 hours! It was terrific for J but it also made her realize how little I was capable of doing. She shed some tears and had some outbursts but she was able to express her feelings and told me at bedtime one night that she just missed me. I was here, on the couch, but she missed me being “me”. Thankfully by Friday I was really starting to feel like myself. I even ventured out on a play date with J and it felt so “normal”.

I knew I wanted even more normalcy but I was nervous. The one side effect of chemo I hadn’t really prepared myself for was the risk of being immunocompromised. White blood cell counts drop to their lowest on day 7 so that’s when I’m most vulnerable for infection. I’ve become a hyper-vigilant germ freak which is new territory for me. I can see the slippery slope of how it could turn into a full on phobia. I was kind of making myself crazy and lost it one night and started bawling about how I’m afraid to hug my own child (after she was asleep of course) because well, frankly she’s gross. She picks her nose, wipes snot on her sleeve, touches everything and is then constantly putting her fingers in her mouth. Not grosser than you’re average kindergartener – just run of the mill gross. So anyway, I got it together and took my nurse’s advice which was “You don’t need to avoid going out. Just be careful”.

And thus followed, our family 24 hour escape to Boston. First stop, Salon 10 on Newbury St to try on wigs. It was an amazing experience. The person who helped me was so sensitive to what I’m going through it made the process feel fun instead of traumatic. She even gave us an amazing children’s book called “Nowhere Hair”. Rick and I both teared up reading it to J because it was so beautiful. We assured J it was a “happy cry”. I find myself having to clarify that a lot lately and I was never a happy crier before!

Afterwards we went to the Intercontinental Hotel where Rick and J swam in the pool and I sat alongside in a chaises lounge and handed out scores for the best jumps. Then we went to dinner next door at NEBO where I had my first glass of wine out in almost a month. They had Barolo by the glass – they must have known I was coming! The meal was amazing and the 3 of us had so much fun. This morning we got up and made it to the aquarium by 9am to avoid the crowds. I admit I was nervous about germs but they have sanitizer all over the place which helped – and no one coughed or sneezed in my face. J was just at the aquarium last week With our awesome friends so we didn’t really go for her. The aquarium was a special place for Rick and his mom and he hasn’t been back since she passed away. It was his idea to go. He said he was finally ready and we even renewed our membership.