Gratitude

This is the word that keeps coming up for me over and over. Not gratitude for having cancer, obviously. I’m pissed about that! But it’s amazing to me that my anger and fear aren’t winning right now. I’m not naive. I know there are days ahead where they may. But today, I’m at a place where I just feel overwhelming gratitude for how much everyone is doing for us! It makes me tear up every time I receive an encouraging message or card, or flowers, or food, or someone takes J for a play date, or takes the dogs for a hike (VW, a living angel). Or, when someone does something completely unexpected like our friend Ellen who sewed 3 matching super-hero capes in ovarian cancer “teal” that say Team Debi. They’re awesome! You should have seen Juliette running around with hers on.

Today is day 4 after chemo and the side effects aren’t too bad. Mostly just tired and achey. But my spirits are ok and I still have quite an appetite. I’ve been blaming it on the steroids (though they stopped yesterday until next cycle) and all the delicious food everyone is making us. This morning I had steel cut oats and fruit salad – all presented by Rick, beautifully on a tray as if I were staying at a B&B. He even made me bone broth and ginger tea from scratch to keep me hydrated. He spoils me.

Mostly I’m just feeling kinda restless. The snow is beautiful outside and I’d love to be out there. Even just a quick XC ski on the golf course. Oh well. Rick just started a fire and I’m watching the snow and we’re listening to a great playlist. I can kind of pretend we’re in a ski lodge.