This is Me

I was late to the game re: the movie The Greatest Showman. We watched it as a family for the first time this past fall and I loved it! It was a little over Juliette’s head (and she thought there was too much kissing and love stuff…which reminded me of what the little boy says to his grandfather about The Princess Bride – one of my favorite movies). But J and I both loved the music. Her favorite is the song is “A Million Dreams” and mine is “This is Me”. When I first heard it I got chills. It really resonated with me and I wasn’t sure why. I’m obviously not a circus freak and contrary to how I may have felt at various awkward stages of my life, I’ve always looked and acted pretty “normal”.

That is, until now! My own kid was afraid to shower with me the other day. She’s only in kindergarten so not quite ready to shower on her own and baths take forever so this is something we do occasionally. But, she took one look at me naked and scanned my very large scar on my abdomen and my half buzzed/half bald head and politely said “I think I’d rather take a bath”. I told her that was fine and I understood. I assured her that even though I look different and that it might be scary on the inside I’m still the same mommy and she bravely said “OK, I’ll try it”.

So, when I listened to the Greatest Showman soundtrack for the millionth time today I was blown away. “This is me” is my anthem!!! It couldn’t have been back in the fall since I didn’t have cancer (or at least I didn’t know I did). But maybe my feeling when I first heard it was foreshadowing somehow.

Anyway, if you haven’t heard it do yourself a favor and listen to it. I don’t think I can listen to it without crying now. There I go again, happy crying.

“I am brave, I am bruised
This is who I’m meant to be
This is me
Look out cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies
This is me”