That’s a wrap!

Well, it’s officially over. I had my last (hopefully ever) chemotherapy treatment on Monday June 10. It was pretty anticlimactic as far as the actual final session goes. There wasn’t even a bell for me to ring! Turns out, at Mass General they only have a bell for people who finish radiation. Personally, I think that’s an oversight. But, that night the 3 of us took turns ringing our own bell.

This cycle was pretty much status quo as far as side effects go. Overall, my Dr said I tolerated chemo incredibly well, which she said had a lot to do with my being healthy and having a positive attitude. My prognosis is good. My CA-125 has been below 10 (and anything less than 35 generally means no cancer) for several cycles now. I asked her again about the likelihood of a recurrence. Though she obviously does not have a crystal ball she still maintains that I’m not going to die until I’m a very old woman. I’m choosing to believe her. Well, at least I’m trying to.

I still have to go for my Avastin infusion every 3 weeks for a year, starting on July 1. It’s not chemo so it won’t make me sick and it won’t take long. The major side effects are a runny nose and scratchy throat, which I’ll gladly take. Plus, my Dr said that a lot of people have anxiety after chemo ends and they stop seeing their Dr. regularly. I get it. When you’re getting chemo, as much as it sucks, you at least feel like you’re “doing something” to keep the cancer away. So, it will be good for me to continue to get the Avastin and to see her regularly.

I feel a huge sense of relief and accomplishment. Although I know fear is going to creep up from time to time, I’m just enjoying feeling cancer free right now. And I’m happy my immune system is going to get back to normal eventually. I can’t wait to eat oysters and sushi and get “real” mani/pedis again! I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m a little nervous about my hair. It will likely come in gray and curly (at least for a while) and I probably won’t recognize myself. I’ll probably continue to wear a wig for a while. I can’t help it. I’m vain. Some hair is officially starting to grow back already – I found a rouge chin hair the other day.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve now had (and survived) cancer twice. After my kidney cancer I made a lot of positive changes to my life including my relationships and my health. That’s also when I took up running. So this time I’ve been wondering if there has to be some greater purpose to my still being here? Is it Juliette? Or am I supposed to be helping other people with cancer in some way? Or should I become a hard core yogi who meditates? I have no idea what it is…but it was weighing on my mind.

Then, as fate would have it, I had an unexpected opportunity to see my oldest childhood friend (who lives out of state) this week. She knows me better than I know myself. I was trying to explain this feeling to her and she said “What if it isn’t some big calling? What if you’re just supposed to be your best self? Be the best mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister you can be. Be kinder and gentler to yourself and others. Find joy in everyday things. That kind of thing.”

It’s so simple but it was like a lightening bolt went off! I realized she’s 100% right. This is my life purpose. This is why I got yet another chance.

PS – the dream board goals are already starting to come to fruition. We have a fantastic vegetable garden, with more lettuce and kale than we can consume. (Come visit and I’ll give you some). They’re growing in raised beds were hand made by my talented husband. And we booked a family trip to Northern Italy for this coming fall. I can’t wait!

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